Embrace the humor of the holiday with funny Thanksgiving quotes your guests will gobble up.
47 Funny Thanksgiving Quotes to Share Around the Table
![Thanksgiving scene](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/ft_new-1.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
Gobble up these funny Thanksgiving quotes
Ah, Thanksgiving—the time of year when we get together with loved ones to enjoy a delicious meal and one another’s company. Whether you’re cracking Thanksgiving jokes or solving fun Thanksgiving riddles together, there’s bound to be plenty of laughs. Another great way to get the giggles going is by reading funny Thanksgiving quotes to one another.
These funny Thanksgiving quotes capture the humor in preparing a big meal, spending time with family, and of course, eating tasty food. Share them with your loved ones this year and debate which is the most relatable over dinner.
Bonus: These quotes make great Thanksgiving Instagram captions and wishes too!
![Thanksgiving quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/John-Lyon-1.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“Hope my relatives are getting along with the professional line sitter I hired to hold my place at the front of the Thanksgiving food line.” —John Lyon
![Thanksgiving quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Johnny-Carson-1.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“Thanksgiving is an emotional time. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they see only once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.” —Johnny Carson.
![Thanksgiving quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Kumail-Nianjiani.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“I approximated the Black Friday experience at home by hurling myself into a wall a number of times and then ordering online.” —Kumail Nanjiani
![Thanksgiving quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Anonymous-1.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“May your stuffing be tasty. May your turkey be plump. May your potatoes and gravy have nary a lump. May your yams be delicious and your pies take the prize, and may your Thanksgiving dinner stay off your thighs!” —Anonymous.
Speaking of turkey, learn why we eat turkey on Thanksgiving.
![Thanksgiving quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Kevin-James-1.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.” —Kevin James
![Thanksgiving quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Emma-Bombeck-3.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”—Erma Bombeck.
![Thanksgiving quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Phyllis-Dyer.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.” —Phyllis Diller.
![Jim Gaffigan Quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/jim-gaffigan-quote.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“The Thanksgiving tradition is, we overeat. ‘Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?’ ‘But we do that every day!’ ‘Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?'”—Jim Gaffigan. Don’t feel like cooking? You’re in luck—these restaurants are open for Thanksgiving.
![Thanksgiving quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Melanie-White.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“Thanksgiving is a time to count your blessings, one by one, as each relative goes home.”—Melanie White.
![Mitch Hedberg Quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/mitch-hedberg-quote-1.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There’s turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Someone needs to tell the turkey, ‘Man, just be yourself.'” —Mitch Hedberg.
![Thanksgiving quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Jim-Davis-1.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.” —Jim Davis
![Howie Mandel Quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/howie-mandel-quote.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“I’m from Canada, so Thanksgiving to me is just Thursday with more food. And I’m thankful for that.” —Howie Mandel.
![Thanksgiving quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Andre-Kelley.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“I got to go home for Thanksgiving and sit at the adults’ table. That’s ’cause, you know, somebody had to die for me to move up a plate.” —Andre Kelley
![Thanksgiving quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Rita-Rudner.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother’s tasted better the day before.”—Rita Rudner.
![Thanksgiving quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Tom-Swyer.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“Real ballplayers pass the stuffing by rolling it up in a ball and batting it across the table with a turkey leg.” —Tom Swyers
![Thanksgiving quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Jon-Stewart.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“I celebrated Thanksgiving the old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.” —Jon Stewart.
![Kenny Rogerson Quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/kenny-rogerson-quote.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“Last Thanksgiving, I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shotgun going, blam! Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?” —Kenny Rogerson
![Thanksgiving quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/George-Carlin.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“We’re having something different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we’re having a swan. You get more stuffing.” —George Carlin
![Thanksgiving quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Richard-Roeper.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“Even though we’re a week and a half away from Thanksgiving, it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.” —Richard Roeper
![Thanksgiving quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Michael-Dresser.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“Thanksgiving is America’s national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty.” —Michael Dresser
![Thanksgiving quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Jay-Leno.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.” —Jay Leno
![Carl Sagan Quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/carl-sagan-quote.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“If you wish to make an apple pie truly from scratch, you must first invent the universe.” —Carl Sagan
![Thanksgiving quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Erma-Bombeck-2.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not a coincidence.” —Erma Bombeck
![Thanksgiving quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Mike-Connolly.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“Coexistence: What the farmer does with the turkey—until Thanksgiving.” —Mike Connolly
![Thanksgiving quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Irv-Kupinceet-1.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.” —Irv Kupcinet
![Thanksgiving quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Stephen-Colbert.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.” —Stephen Colbert
![Thanksgiving quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Ina-Garten.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“If you think about a Thanksgiving dinner, it’s really like making a large chicken.” —Ina Garten
![Jimmy Fallon Quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/jimmy-fallon-quote.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“A new survey found that 80 percent of men claim they help cook Thanksgiving dinner. Which makes sense when you hear them consider saying ‘that smells good’ to be helping.” —Jimmy Fallon
![Thanksgiving quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Nicole-Hollander.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftover in aluminum foil and throw them out.” —Nicole Hollander
![Thanksgiving quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Andy-Borowitz.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“For those of you who cannot be with family this Thanksgiving, please resist the urge to brag.” —Andy Borowitz
![Thanksgiving quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Lindsay-Bareham.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“Good mashed potato is one of the great luxuries of life.” —Lindsey Bareham
![Thanksgiving quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Ambrose.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries, has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude.” —Ambrose Bierce
![Damien Fahey Thanksgiving Quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/damien-fahey-thanksgiving-quote.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“I’m looking forward to seeing pie this Thanksgiving more than members of my own family.” —Damien Fahey
![Craig Ferguson Thanksgiving Quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/craig-ferguson-thanksgiving-quote-.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“I like football. I find it’s an exciting strategic game. It’s a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.” —Craig Ferguson
![Laurie Halse Thanksgiving Quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/laurie-halse-thanksgiving-quote.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“Pie makes everybody happy.” —Laurie Halse Anderson
![Rachel Green Quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/rachel-green-quote.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“It’s Thanksgiving, and we should not want to be together, together!” —Rachel Green, Friends
![Charlie Brown Thanksgiving Quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/charlie-brown-thanksgiving-quote.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“I can’t cook a Thanksgiving dinner. All I can make is cold cereal and maybe toast.” —Charlie Brown
![Dylan Brody Thanksgiving Quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/dylan-brody-thanksgiving-quote.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“You know that just before the first Thanksgiving there was one wise old Native American woman saying, “Don’t feed them. If you feed them, they’ll never leave.” —Dylan Brody
![Kin Hubbard Quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/kin-hubbard-quote.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“A lot of Thanksgiving Days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.” —Kin Hubbard
![Oscar Wilde Quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/oscar-wilde-quote.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations.” —Oscar Wilde
![Joey Tribbiani Quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/joey-tribbiani-quote.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“You can’t have Thanksgiving without turkey. That’s like Fourth of July without apple pie or Friday with no two pizzas.” —Joey Tribbiani, Friends
![Williamader Quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/williamader-quote.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“Archeologists 10,000 years from now will believe this was a sacred feast where gravy boats were worshipped.” —@WilliamAder
![George Bernard Shaw Thanksgiving Quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/george-bernard-shaw-thanksgiving-quote.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“There is no sincerer love than the love of food.” —George Bernard Shaw
![Robert Brault Thanksgiving Quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/robert-brault-thanksgiving-quote.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“I suppose I will die never knowing what pumpkin pie tastes like when you have room for it.” —Robert Brault
![William Jennings Bryan Thanksgiving Quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/william-jennings-bryan-thanksgiving-quote.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“On Thanksgiving Day we acknowledge our dependence.” —William Jennings Bryan
![Reba Mcentire Quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/reba-mcentire-quote.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone.” —Reba McEntire
![Adam Sandler Thanksgiving Funny Quote](https://cdn.statically.io/img/www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/adam-sandler-thanksgiving-funny-quote.jpg?fit=700%2C700)
“Turkey lurkey doo, and turkey lurkey dap. I eat that turkey, then I take a nap.” —Adam Sandler